Day 5 and Counting

Well, today I woke up in shock. A week from today, I will be a mother.

It's really hard for me to conceive this, as I've been used to living the solitary life for awhile now.

I can't complain, really.

Rather than stew about the long wait to get her referral, I have lived a productive, fun life that I wouldn't trade for the world. Rather than dwelling on what I haven't yet accomplished, I have focused on what I have. During the wait, I became an oil painter and learned guitar and drums (I'm far from an expert). I've done a lot of writing and nurtured my inner artist.

And I think that part of my fear of parenting stemmed from a fear of somehow losing all of that once I became I mom. But the truth is, not only will I be immersed in what she loves and find a way into her world, she will also find a place in mine. I do not fear losing myself. In fact, right now, I'm figuring out which referral portrait to paint.

I do wonder, will she be musically/artistically inclined? Will she share my love of books, writing, and museums? Or will she be totally different?

She will be her own person, an individual. And the most important thing to me is not whether she is the most brilliant in her class, whether she is the most talented in an area, or whether she is gifted in music/the arts.

The most important thing to me is that she is healthy, shows kindness of heart, is an ethical citizen, and has a solid worth ethic.

And I plan to lead by example.