She's On the Loose

Again, I've been remiss in posting on motherhood because I've been busy chasing a toddler who now can walk -- fast -- without the use of the walker (pictured) that she needed a month ago.

When did this all happen? She's transforming from baby to girl right before my eyes.

Only four months ago found me in China with a daughter placed in my arms against her will and sobbing in grief and fear (see photo, top, of Gotcha Night). Although I'm smiling in the photo, my heart is breaking for her.

Only four months ago, Ari didn't have fine motor skills and was immobile from the waist down. She could move her legs, but not in a purposeful way.

Now she's into everything, as a toddler should be. To my horror, she ate some soft cat food when my head was turned the other direction for a mega-second. And she liked it because she went for a second scoop. I stopped her, and for the rest of the day I was hesitant for her to kiss me with her cat-food-tainted lips.

And I wouldn't have it any other way. She's curious, inquisitive, active, and almost always happy. Her laugh is infectious, and her wide smile makes me love her more each day. Each day I discover a little more about who she is and wonder about the person she will wind up being.

I have also discovered through my motherhood journey that I'm not a typical mom, whatever a typical mom is. I love (and encourage) Ari's banging on pots and pans. The louder, the better. I love noisy toys; the more noise, the better.

I don't bring holiday treats for all the kids in day care, and I don't go to my day care's social functions. That will change, I'm sure, as Ari gets older, but right now, I'm the center of her world, so why bother sharing my time with her with others? When she's older and realizes her mother is fallible, then it'll be time to camouflage my mistakes by having us socialize with others.

Most importantly, I take care of myself. I get up early to write and oil paint, get together with friends (with Ari), get a monthly massage (without Ari; friends have been babysitting) and generally make sure my needs are met. Because when momma's happy, baby's happy. I think it's vital that mothers take care of themselves, as it is the hardest job in the world.

And I still spend a lot of time with and savor each moment with my precious girl. Because when all is said and done, I treasure the every day moments with her. I take nothing for granted and live each day, slowing down the moments and, in a Zen-like state, paying attention to the way she does everything: from the way her eyes shut in moments of glee to the way she sounds when she eats. Videos and cameras can't capture that feeling, so I have yet to videotape her (did I say I wasn't a typical mom?). But I've taken oodles of pictures.

I've captured the moments in my heart, but I need to capture the moments on tape (to embarrass her in her teenage years, of course!!).

Come to think of it, I'm going to get that camcorder soon.

Beth L. Gainer is a professional writer and has published numerous academic and magazine articles, as well as an essay on her breast cancer experience in the anthology Voices of Breast Cancer by LaChance Publishing. She writes about medical advocacy at www.bethlgainer.blogspot.com, and her cat Hemi blogs at www.catterchatter.blogspot.com. Beth teaches writing and literature at Robert Morris University in the Chicago area. She can be contacted at bethlgainer@gmail.com and gainercallingtheshots@gmail.com. She also blogs on the adventures of her cats, Hemi and Cosette, at http://www.catterchatter.blogspot.com./.

Girls in the Hood

Pardon my month-plus hiatus from blogging on life-changing issues such as motherhood. 

I've been too busy being a mother.

This picture was taken a few weeks ago, as Ari and I were heading out to the park. What strikes me about the pose -- besides the fact that she's the photogenic one -- is that we look like we belong together. 

Times have changed since our rough get-to-know-you-in-China days, and there we are: happy, both wearing our hoodies, mom and daughter, thick as thiefs. And I'm smiling even though I'm holding her on my bad shoulder, the carnival-incident shoulder that still hurts to this day.

At the beginning of our adoption journey together, I hurt in another way: because I had missed the first 12 months of her life and missed her first birthday.

But now I see the birthday cake as half full.

Because I realize that, as her mom, I still get to see many, many "firsts." I got to see her becoming a US citizen, navigating on her rocking horse for the first time, consuming her first American foods. I got to experience her first visit to McDonalds (I'm not entirely proud of this, but there you have it; after all, McDonalds is the fast-track to becoming assimilated as an American). 

I also got to see her get her first pair of shoes and felt good knowing that, thus far in her opinion, nobody can fill mine.

And now some milestones are really happening. She can now stand on her own for a couple of minutes, and just a couple of days ago she took five -- yes five! -- steps forward without any help from me. It's bittersweet because I want her to grow and develop, but it seems she is attaining all these skills at a lightning pace, and the selfish part of me still wants the little, more dependent baby.

She babbles constantly, and she's starting to talk. She says "mama" regularly, and she also has in her repertoire the following words: Ow, Ouch, and Uh-Oh. Words to live by in our home, as mama regularly hurts herself with her clutsy ways.

She learned "Ouch" from me at the carnival. Every time she says the word (her pronunciation is drawn out: Owwwwwch), my shoulder hurts all the more.

Beth L. Gainer is a professional writer and has published numerous academic and magazine articles, as well as an essay on her breast cancer experience in the anthology Voices of Breast Cancer by LaChance Publishing. She writes about medical advocacy at www.bethlgainer.blogspot.com, and her cat Hemi blogs at www.catterchatter.blogspot.com. Beth teaches writing and literature at Robert Morris University in the Chicago area. She can be contacted at bethlgainer@gmail.com and gainercallingtheshots@gmail.com. She also blogs on the adventures of her cats, Hemi and Cosette, at http://www.catterchatter.blogspot.com./.

Why Amusement Park Rides are Not Amusing, and No Carnies Were Harmed at the Local Carnival

But I was.

First of all, I'll say it right now -- I hate rides, have always hated rides, and hate rides more than ever since Friday's fiasco at a local carnival.

Come to think of it, I'm not too partial to carnivals either because they are weirder than all-get-out. But at their best, these events are fun, family-oriented events.

A friend called me and told me she noticed there was a local carnival at a church's parking lot and wouldn't it be fun if Ari and I could go with her and check it out? Reluctantly, I agreed.

I was nauseated upon entering the place because I saw wild rides for adults that are miraculous to survive (maybe why the carnival was on a church's property?). I couldn't look at all the contortions people were allowing themselves to be put through. And then my own childhood fears reared their ugly heads: what if that flying saucerlike contraption fell on my head? Things like that.

We were looking for the kiddie rides (which are still a challenge for me to tolerate) for Ari's sake (that's my story and I'm sticking to it), and I was praying that there would be none and we'd have to resign ourselves to eating lots of junk and playing the throw-the-dart-in-the-balloon-and-win-a-stuffed-animal game.

But there were a few kiddie rides. My heart sank.

Ari and I first rode this slow train, which was too fast for me. My child looked bored.

Then we upped the ante and went on one of those slow carousel-type rides inside creatures that float up and down from time to time. We were in the dragon creature, and Ari was safely buckled into my lap. As reported by my friend, Ari had a HUGE smile. I loved that she was clapping her hands and rocking back and forth to the rhythm of the background music. She was so happy, it filled my heart with joy -- even though I was praying for the ride to end and I wore a fake smile so should Ari turn to look at my face, she wouldn't see a miserable momma.

The fun really started when we got off the ride. I was holding Ari with one arm and slowly getting out of the hellish contraption when I realized my equilibrium was thrown way off.

I fell toward my left side with the baby in my right arm. Motherly instinct kicked in, and I held onto Ari like a running back holds onto a football (a quality running back, that is), and the child thankfully was not hurt -- just a little shaken. She cried for 30 seconds. On the other hand, I wasn't doing so well.

As I fell, my left hand grabbed the top of the fence surrounding the ride. My left leg scraped onto the concrete ground. Yes, I was a diagonal Stretch Armstrong. I didn't know my arm had that rubberlike capacity. And, yes, that's spelled P-A-I-N.

For the baby's sake, I was calm. My friend didn't see the fall, but I told her all about it. I hope she doesn't feel guilty for suggesting this outing (Yeah, right). Seriously, after that incident, we said there'd be no more rides, and we went on to playing those carnie games and winning stuffed animals (I like stuffed animals because they can't hurt you).

So as I laid in bed with an ice pack under my Stretch Armpit and another on top of my shoulder, I had time to reflect over lessons learned:

• Tylenol for arthritis really rocks.
• I still hate rides.
• My baby is the coolest person I know.
• I could be recruited by the NFL.
• My baby is the coolest person I know. (Yes, I said it before, but it's so true, I have to say it again.)

Beth L. Gainer is a professional writer and has published numerous academic and magazine articles, as well as an essay on her breast cancer experience in the anthology Voices of Breast Cancer by LaChance Publishing. She writes about medical advocacy at www.bethlgainer.blogspot.com, and her cat Hemi blogs at www.catterchatter.blogspot.com. Beth teaches writing and literature at Robert Morris University in the Chicago area. She can be contacted at bethlgainer@gmail.com and gainercallingtheshots@gmail.com. She also blogs on the adventures of her cats, Hemi and Cosette, at http://www.catterchatter.blogspot.com./.

Goal-Driven Running Diva

One of my favorite blogs to read is Raptitude.com. It is well-written and insightful. Particularly, reading the following blog helped inspire me to see my goals through fruition. Reading this posting will help anyone who is serious about accomplishing tangible goals: http://http://www.raptitude.com/2009/09/how-to-make-a-life-list-youll-actually-do-a-comprehensive-guide/

In my last blog, I waxed and waned about how I could no longer run and had to take note for what I'm grateful for. While I'm still grateful for all I have and have accomplished, I think I gave up on running too soon.

I had a setback and got discouraged.

So, after reading the aforementioned blog, I decided to start running again and not let my surgical wounds wound my psyche. And the reason I'm sharing this with you now, is that one motivating factor is public accountability. When you are publicly accountable and tell people your goals, you are more likely to set out to accomplish them.

But goals need to be realistic. While I'd love to win a 5K, my super slow-twitch muscles will never make that a reality. However, a realistic goal is to run a 5K -- at a pace that's comfortable to me -- within the year.

So here's my goal this week: One day this week, I will do a short run and last it out. My strategy: Spanx, Extra Strength Tylenol, great music on my iPod, and putting on my running shoes, and become a running diva in a small neighborhood. I will also take a spa bath to relieve the aches and pains that I expect after the run.

I will let you all know how it goes. Even if I don't succeed, at least I will have tried.

In the meantime, feel free to leave comments below on your goals or just to cheer me on. Now that my goal is public, I am bound to make it come true.

Beth L. Gainer is a professional writer and has published numerous academic and magazine articles, as well as an essay on her breast cancer experience in the anthology Voices of Breast Cancer by LaChance Publishing. She writes about medical advocacy at www.bethlgainer.blogspot.com, and her cat Hemi blogs at www.catterchatter.blogspot.com. Beth teaches writing and literature at Robert Morris University in the Chicago area. She can be contacted at bethlgainer@gmail.com and gainercallingtheshots@gmail.com. She also blogs on the adventures of her cats, Hemi and Cosette, at http://www.catterchatter.blogspot.com./.

No Leopards Were Harmed While I Shopped

They've eluded me for years. I spent long days and nights dreaming of them and seemingly chasing them around the globe like Captain Ahab pursues the whale in Moby Dick. But unlike Ahab, I finally have them in my possession.

A pair of leopard-print shoes!

Yes, I am aware that leopard prints have been out for quite some time, but you see, it's a great feat to dress my feet. They are as wide as the state of Montana, and the countless times I saw a pair of leopard-print shoes, I'd step inside the store, only to be disappointed that I wasn't able to step inside the shoes. Eventually, I stopped trying and just stood drooling at the beautiful leopard prints at stores' windows.

(BTW, I've acquired a lot of envy points for Cinderella,who got to fit into her shoe right away and got a handsome prince to boot!! And she could probably fit into any boot she wants.)

During the time I was unable to realize my fashionista potential, I kept myself busy with projects, but a pang would hit me when watching some fashion newbie sporting leopard-print shoes on What Not to Wear.

So imagine my shock when I was passing an Aerosoles store today, and there were a pair of leopard-print flats in the window. At first I thought they were taunting me, and I told myself not to go in for yet another disappointing venture. I told myself that it was OK to drool instead.

But I forced myself to walk in and inquire about the shoes. And my heart skipped a beat when the saleswoman brought me a pair that fit and were comfortable!!

Ah the ecstasy.

So I purchased them. No more drooling at store windows.

As a bonus, no leopards were harmed in order to dress my feet. I'm a diehard animal lover who never wears real fur. It was the print, not the animal, I was after.

A few things to know about leopard prints:

1) They are cool.
2) They are a neutral and go with everything, from dresses to jeans.
3) They can be used to dress up or dress down an outfit.

I do love shoes, and if I had my druthers, I'd have a lot more. However, I do stay within my budget and am not materialistic. I can justify my recent purchase because I have a dress code at work, where looking professional is highly valued.

Do you have a story on shoes to share? It can be a favorite pair that you describe in loving detail or a pair you hated. It could even be a pair you fondly or embarrasingly recall (remember Earth shoes and those disco heels from the 70s? I wore both, thought I was cool, but of course I was not).

Anyway, feel free to share your shoe story by leaving a comment.

Beth L. Gainer is a professional writer and has published numerous academic and magazine articles, as well as an essay on her breast cancer experience in the anthology Voices of Breast Cancer by LaChance Publishing. She writes about medical advocacy at www.bethlgainer.blogspot.com, and her cat Hemi blogs at www.catterchatter.blogspot.com. Beth teaches writing and literature at Robert Morris University in the Chicago area. She can be contacted at bethlgainer@gmail.com and gainercallingtheshots@gmail.com. She also blogs on the adventures of her cats, Hemi and Cosette, at http://www.catterchatter.blogspot.com./.

Baby and Traffic Court

Today a face like this was with me in a place where people are paid to openly dehumanize other human beings, a place where the immoral dregs of society (i.e. some government employees) like to beat your morale to a pulp -- traffic court.

It was me, not she, who got the speeding ticket a few months ago.

But moving to a house and going through a rigorous adoption process around this time were enough to make me a tad addle-brained. Nevertheless, I do take full responsibility for doing what humans occasionally do: forget.

So today I found myself and baby going to the courthouse and paid $80 for the honor of seeing a judge, who told me I'm now eligible to take the course again, and then I paid $59 for the privilege of being able to take the course in 4-6 weeks.

So when Ari and I first got there, the jerk behind the traffic school counter said (to me, not she), "You are proven guilty. So what are you going to do about it?" Too shocked to give him a deft reply, I asked what my options were, and this microorganism responded in an unintelligible grunt. When a nice woman behind the counter offered to help me because here I was with an adorable baby, I gladly accepted her help instead.

She said I was technically guilty, and before she could continue, Mr. Microorganism interrupted with, "See, I told you so. What do you think about that?" By this time, I was ready. I said, "Sir, you have done nothing but treat me with disrespect. I demand to be treated with respect."

Shocked, he slithered away, and the woman continued to say that I'd be fine if I just followed proper protocol. So I was happy with that. She asked me how old my precious daughter was, and I told her. Even the judge smiled a bit seeing me with a sleeping child in my arms. Government employees even filled out parts of forms for me.

That's right. For me. All because I had a baby in my arms.

So in a weird twist that played out like Paper Moon meets Erin Brockovich, I found that having an adorable child is actually helpful -- in traffic court. And I instantly had the urge to go all Angelina Jolie and adopt, like, several more children. Just to be treated kinder for the rest of my life.

Based on today's observations, here are my tips for how you can be treated more nicely in traffic court: Bring a child. Here are the specifics:

1. The child must not be a newborn; newbies are just blobs without personalities.
2. The child must be no older than two. The cuteness factor diminishes as the kid ages. Also, the terrible twos will get you into trouble in public places.
3. If you do not have kids, bring a friend's.
4. Bring only one child. Sibling rivalry will cause a judge to hate you.
5. If you have a partner, leave him or her at home. The single mom image is the strongest one that will garner the most "oohs" and "aahhs."

Got a great traffic court story? I'd love to hear some, as I need a good laugh to help me recover from today's fiasco. Please feel free to share in the Comments section.





Beth L. Gainer is a professional writer and has published numerous academic and magazine articles, as well as an essay on her breast cancer experience in the anthology Voices of Breast Cancer by LaChance Publishing. She writes about medical advocacy at www.bethlgainer.blogspot.com, and her cat Hemi blogs at www.catterchatter.blogspot.com. Beth teaches writing and literature at Robert Morris University in the Chicago area. She can be contacted at bethlgainer@gmail.com and gainercallingtheshots@gmail.com. She also blogs on the adventures of her cats, Hemi and Cosette, at http://www.catterchatter.blogspot.com./.

On Anal-Retentive Parents

In my last posting, I blasted those parental scorekeepers who judge other parents. And now I'm about to do the same thing: Hell, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

My target in this posting are anal-retentive parents -- you know, the type who cannot stand their kids getting dirty or messy. The type who pick up every crumb as it drops to the floor or wipe their baby's mouth after every bite.

As if these kids are part of the Royal Family and a paparrazi deluge is expected.

These are the type of parents I don't quite understand because the fact is this: babies do get messy...in fact, they are dirt magnets all the time. It's nice to get pelted with cottage cheese or spaghetti sauce. It brings out the kid in me.





I revel in Ari's messes, seen in these pictures of her attempts to eat angel hair pasta. My little angel may not be pretty while she's eating, but she's having fun. There will be time enough for her to be a prim and proper adult, but that time is not now.



And I've even frequented public places with my kid looking like a waif (gulp!). Remember the scene in The Sound of Music, when the kids are pomp and circumstancing around the countryside dressed in drapes? Sure the kids were wearing window treatments, but they had more fun than the other kids in Austria whose parents were constantly picking up after them.

Ari may be wearing much of her dinner, but who really cares?

Beth L. Gainer is a professional writer and has published numerous academic and magazine articles, as well as an essay on her breast cancer experience in the anthology Voices of Breast Cancer by LaChance Publishing. She writes about medical advocacy at www.bethlgainer.blogspot.com, and her cat Hemi blogs at www.catterchatter.blogspot.com. Beth teaches writing and literature at Robert Morris University in the Chicago area. She can be contacted at bethlgainer@gmail.com and gainercallingtheshots@gmail.com. She also blogs on the adventures of her cats, Hemi and Cosette, at http://www.catterchatter.blogspot.com./.

Parental Thought-Police

According to Dictionary.com:

"spoil

  [spoil] Show IPA verb, spoiled or spoilt, spoil⋅ing,noun

–verb (used with object)

1.	to damage severely or harm (something), esp. with reference to its excellence, value, usefulness, etc.: The water stain spoiled the painting. Drought spoiled the corn crop.

2.	to diminish or impair the quality of; affect detrimentally: Bad weather spoiled their vacation.

3.	to impair, damage, or harm the character or nature of (someone) by unwise treatment, excessive indulgence, etc.:to spoil a child by pampering him."

It's hard enough being a parent, but unfortunately what comes along with this is verbal misuse, determined by parents and non-parents alike. Over the last month, I've talked to countless people about parenting -- asking for advice -- and I hear two camps: "Go ahead and spoil them; you can't spoil them too much," and the critical "You are spoiling your child because she gets everything she needs and wants."

Yes, I'm spoiling my 13-month-old by giving her hugs and kisses when she wants, holding her when she needs comforting, soothing her when she needs it, having her sit on my lap if she wants to, and for being next to her when she's playing independently.

My baby is very attached to me, but isn't that a good thing? Also, considering that she's been attached to her caregivers in an orphanage and in foster care, I think we can be safe in saying she needs a little extra TLC.

Or maybe I should make her put on a business suit and send her to work so she can earn her keep.

By attending to her basic needs, I am not impairing, damaging, and harming her character by excessive pampering, as defined by the dictionary.

Maybe people should read more, so they actually understand the context of the words they are misusing.

Beth L. Gainer is a professional writer and has published numerous academic and magazine articles, as well as an essay on her breast cancer experience in the anthology Voices of Breast Cancer by LaChance Publishing. She writes about medical advocacy at www.bethlgainer.blogspot.com, and her cat Hemi blogs at www.catterchatter.blogspot.com. Beth teaches writing and literature at Robert Morris University in the Chicago area. She can be contacted at bethlgainer@gmail.com and gainercallingtheshots@gmail.com. She also blogs on the adventures of her cats, Hemi and Cosette, at http://www.catterchatter.blogspot.com./.

Scheduling Adult Time

As any parent -- especially a new one -- I've learned some ways to keep my sanity by carving out some much-needed "me" time. I've done this through trial and error, mostly error. As I'm writing this, my little one is watching Blues Clues and untying my sneakers' laces.

I think our society has this misconception: that moms have to sacrifice everything and not attend to their own needs so that the baby's needs are met.

I disagree.

I believe that when moms take care of themselves and have valuable "me" time, even if it's a half-hour spa bath, then they are better able to care for their children. A physically and psychologically healthy mom is a requirement of being an effective caretaker.

Even since I've become a mom, I've managed to carve out time to do things I love, such as writing and artwork. And, as a single parent, I have challenges in this arena that couples are less likely to have. So listed below are some tips and tricks of how I have managed to have quality leisure time and employ quality parenting.

This may not work for everyone, and some may think this is extreme, but putting myself on a strict schedule is just as important as putting Ari on one. Here are some insights I gained through my brief stint as a parent thus far:

1. As every parent knows, kids need schedules. I put Ari to bed around 7:30-8:00 every night. I then have leisure time to read in bed until around 9 p.m., which is when I go to sleep.

2. I make sure I wake up at 4:30-5:00 a.m. and write or oil paint until Ari wakes up around 6:30-7:00 a.m. I miss oil painting, and while I'd prefer to paint at night and do so more often, I have the energy to do so in the morning these days and must be content to do less painting than I used to.

3. I don't sweat the small stuff. I don't care if she eats sloppily and stains her clothes, even with a bib on. I don't care about messes in the house or on myself. Focusing on such small matters zaps the joy out of parenting.

4. When Ari takes a nap, I sit near her to make sure she's safe, but I take out my laptop and write. If I'm really tired, I'll nap along with her.

5. When Ari wakes, I drop everything to make her my priority. We play, read books, and have a blast.

6. We watch Blues Clues in the afternoon, too, or some other child programming. I used to think TV was no good for kids, but parenting has really changed my outlook on this. By this time in the afternoon, I'm very tired of doing mommy things. I play with her nonetheless and cuddle her lots.

7. While I wash dishes and clean up (after meals), I make sure to make it seem like a game while she's in her high-chair. I put Cheerios on her tray, and I turn around as I do dishes and make funny sounds and facial expressions to keep her laughing. I get the dishes done!

8. Then there's that bedtime routine: bath, baby massage, and in the crib by 7:30-ish. Now I'm exhausted, but I make sure I indulge in a spa bath and other self-nurturing activities.

As you can surmise, I am on leave from work, so work outside of home and day care have not been factored in yet. However, I'm sure it will take time to readjust our schedules after I return to work in late September. I will let you know how it goes.

But one thing is certain: I will make a point of having leisure time. It isn't easy; I've had to give up some things like running in the morning. But I can walk with Ari in the stroller, so that's a nice compromise.

How do you balance parenthood and leisure time? Feel free to leave a comment with some tips and tricks that you use to carve out time for yourself.

Beth L. Gainer is a professional writer and has published numerous academic and magazine articles, as well as an essay on her breast cancer experience in the anthology Voices of Breast Cancer by LaChance Publishing. She writes about medical advocacy at www.bethlgainer.blogspot.com, and her cat Hemi blogs at www.catterchatter.blogspot.com. Beth teaches writing and literature at Robert Morris University in the Chicago area. She can be contacted at bethlgainer@gmail.com and gainercallingtheshots@gmail.com. She also blogs on the adventures of her cats, Hemi and Cosette, at http://www.catterchatter.blogspot.com./.

Relishing Motherhood and New Milestones

What a difference a week makes!! Last week, Ari and I were adjusting to each other in America. She was sweet last week, but there was still bonding to be done between us. It was a battle of the wills, as I tried to keep her on a sleep schedule and tried my best to meet her needs.

Last week, motherhood seemed so unfulfilling, but this week, it's been the high point of my life. Today I held her in my arms and nearly cried of happiness, thinking how my 14-year-old dream of having a child finally has come to fruition and how very lucky and blessed I am.

I live my life in moments rather than days and hours because I want to savor and relish this time between the two of us. And with a toddler, I am only human: I relish bedtime for my precious one. After all, she needs her sleep and mama needs to have some leisure time.

Before going to China, I was afraid of losing myself by becoming a mom. I was afraid I'd have no time for my crafts of oil painting and writing. However, I am now creative when carving out leisure time.

Generally, I get to bed a bit early (with the exception of tonight), so I'm up at 5 a.m. writing or oil painting when Ari is sleeping. Those 2-3 hours are crucial to keep me sane, and when Ari awakens, I can focus all my time on her. I believe that moms must nuture themselves before they are able to do so for their children.

Also, this week we hit a milestone: Ari started being able to feed herself with her fingers!! I was so proud of her. This week, which is early yet, she was so gurgly and smiled a lot. She is easy to please, and her smile is wonderful -- she smiles and laughs and sings all the time. And I'm loving it.

Another milestone is that Ari met my best friend Nicole this past weekend:



And I made a milestone myself: I laugh and smile so much more -- all because of my lovely angel.

Beth L. Gainer is a professional writer and has published numerous academic and magazine articles, as well as an essay on her breast cancer experience in the anthology Voices of Breast Cancer by LaChance Publishing. She writes about medical advocacy at www.bethlgainer.blogspot.com, and her cat Hemi blogs at www.catterchatter.blogspot.com. Beth teaches writing and literature at Robert Morris University in the Chicago area. She can be contacted at bethlgainer@gmail.com and gainercallingtheshots@gmail.com. She also blogs on the adventures of her cats, Hemi and Cosette, at http://www.catterchatter.blogspot.com./.

US Citizenship and a Siberian Diaper Change

On Thursday, July 30, Ari and I passed through Customs at Chicago's O'Hare Airport, where she became a US citizen!! My heart felt such happiness and pride on this momentous occasion. Of course, Ari was oblivious to such an important event, and while I was filled with such awe, Ari's diaper was filled with a celebratory treasure.

It was great to be back in the US, back home, where we could finally settle into a routine. We were both exhausted, but my sweet little girl tolerated Customs personnel barking at us and telling us to move here, there, and everywhere.

Still, we were happy. We got off a very difficult 14-hour ride from Hong Kong.

We were sitting in an aisle seat (thank goodness!), next to two doting women who, well, doted on her. Yet, 14 hours is 14 hours, and that's a long trip for anyone, let alone a toddler confined to her mother's arms and where leg space was so bad in the upgraded Economy Plus, that I looked like a basketball player in relation to my surroundings, with knees smushed against the seat (which explains the bruises). And I dreaded meal/snack times, as I couldn't quite open the tray fully because of the child on my lap.

I felt like I had to be a wizard of sorts, preventing the orange juice from splattering all over others, and bread from being flung into someone's lap, all the while making sure Ari was fed and praying that in a cabin with no room everywhere, even near the bathroom area, that she would not poop. So far, the kid is considerate and takes a dump when it's more convenient for me. She did so at the hotel the morning of the flight, and she didn't poop again until after she became a US citizen.

I was proud that she soiled her diaper on American soil.

But on the plane I still had to do a mid-air diaper change, so I quickly grabbed her and put a little blanket on the floor of the section near the bathrooms, a section that had, like, a whole five feet of space. I had to diaper her on the floor with onlookers nearby, so I did her business quickly and efficiently, all on the floor of that crowded section of that cramped-seating plane with cramps running down my back and legs.

When we got back to our seat, we saw the map of where the plane was flying in the world at that moment. (These maps were cast on the screens at intervals between really stupid American movies with Chinese subtitles.)

The map showed that we were over Siberia. Not many parents can boast that they diapered their little one(s) over Siberia, but I can. I felt joy and excitement about this, which indicates the cabin pressure might've been a bit much for me!

Overall, Ari made it through the flight like a champ. Of the 14 hours she was constrained onto my lap in a very cramped area, she only squirmed and cried about a half hour of that total. She was easily soothed and mostly clung to me, even after we bumpily hit American soil.

Her mom, on the other hand, was sore, exhausted, and bruised. But very happy to be back home.

Beth L. Gainer is a professional writer and has published numerous academic and magazine articles, as well as an essay on her breast cancer experience in the anthology Voices of Breast Cancer by LaChance Publishing. She writes about medical advocacy at www.bethlgainer.blogspot.com, and her cat Hemi blogs at www.catterchatter.blogspot.com. Beth teaches writing and literature at Robert Morris University in the Chicago area. She can be contacted at bethlgainer@gmail.com and gainercallingtheshots@gmail.com. She also blogs on the adventures of her cats, Hemi and Cosette, at http://www.catterchatter.blogspot.com./.

Fright Nights in the Gainer Household

No, my kid isn't rabid (here she's eating cottage cheese), but the way she acts at nighttime, one would think she was either possessed or rabid. My delightful-child-by-day becomes very stubborn at night. In fact, I half expect her head to start spinning 360 degrees.

Last night, after exhausting all means that I thought possible, she finally cried herself to sleep, which took awhile. I made sure she was alright, but it took her a long time to calm down, hence her sleeping in a bit this morning.

I tried sleeping in her room last night on one of those blow-up matress thingies (which seemed very comfortable), but to my surprise, my presence caused a shrill howl because in her view, it's either momma's arms or the highway.

I even had these lullabies playing in a CD, but they only soothed her -- you got it -- when she was in my arms.

And as she was crying, I started wondering, "Am I doing the right thing?" Should she be attached to me in a super-glue kind of fashion? And will she show up on the Jerry Springer show someday in a "Who's-Your-Momma-and-Why-Did-She-Suck Episode"?

But then the rational part of me -- or what was left of it -- took over. I realized that she needed to learn to self-soothe and to be more autonomous. That as a parent, I am also a teacher, and she needs to learn that while mom loves her deeply and is meeting her needs, Ari must to learn that she cannot cling 24/7 to her mother, and that bedtime is a time when she needs to sort things out.

I know that I have to get these bedtime snafus worked out before we appear on a Supernanny episode. I am patient and feel that this is just a parent-child bump in the road of life -- and there will be many more to come.

Beth L. Gainer is a professional writer and has published numerous academic and magazine articles, as well as an essay on her breast cancer experience in the anthology Voices of Breast Cancer by LaChance Publishing. She writes about medical advocacy at www.bethlgainer.blogspot.com, and her cat Hemi blogs at www.catterchatter.blogspot.com. Beth teaches writing and literature at Robert Morris University in the Chicago area. She can be contacted at bethlgainer@gmail.com and gainercallingtheshots@gmail.com. She also blogs on the adventures of her cats, Hemi and Cosette, at http://www.catterchatter.blogspot.com./.

Ari-licious

I've been back in the US with my daughter Ari for almost a week now, and her sleep schedule needs fine-tuning. She is very attached to me, which is great, considering that she hated me for the first four days of our togetherness.

Luckily, she's sleeping now, which is why I am able to put a posting up. I could be smart and nap like most parents, but if I don't write, I get a tad ansy. Still, she looks so precious when she sleeps.



The biggest hurdle -- I'm sure that won't surprise any parent -- is bedtime. She's a happy kid: until she is placed in her crib. Then she screams, wails, and cries, and I then go through all the self-doubt every parent goes through. I do my best to comfort my little one, but I'm getting the message loud and clear: being a parent is the hardest job on Earth.

However, even though my daughter seems strong-willed, stubborn, and very difficult when it comes to bedtime, I keep reminding myself of the many wonderful qualities she has, and that is what I want to share at this time.

Ari is a beautiful, sweet girl whose frequent smiles light up a room. She also laughs a lot, and although she mostly babbles, she sings a lot, especially when being strolled. I enjoy hearing her cute "la la la la's." Rather than sing her lullabyes, I sing her a rated G version of "Beast of Burden" and "Smoke on the Water," as well as "Turn the Beat Around." She loves them!!

My daughter is smart -- she catches on easily. She hits the rhythm and tones of the aforementioned songs on key.

She imitates everything and has a great appetite for anything edible (we ate mule in China, which is fitting because sometimes she, like any toddler, is stubborn as one). She doesn't complain about what I put in her mouth. She has eaten pot stickers, sushi (without the raw fish), beef and noodles, and just about every fruit known to humankind.

Her strong-willed nature is a characteristic I admire because I'm strong-willed myself. Like me, Ari won't tolerate nonsense, and she will let you know that she's not happy with you. While she smiles readily, people she doesn't know must earn that smile or laugh from her. That just means she is good at judging character.

Overall, I've got a great, happy-go-lucky kid, who loves to play, laugh, and smile. See the following pictures for a look-see at her terrific personality.















Beth L. Gainer is a professional writer and has published numerous academic and magazine articles, as well as an essay on her breast cancer experience in the anthology Voices of Breast Cancer by LaChance Publishing. She writes about medical advocacy at www.bethlgainer.blogspot.com, and her cat Hemi blogs at www.catterchatter.blogspot.com. Beth teaches writing and literature at Robert Morris University in the Chicago area. She can be contacted at bethlgainer@gmail.com and gainercallingtheshots@gmail.com. She also blogs on the adventures of her cats, Hemi and Cosette, at http://www.catterchatter.blogspot.com./.

Collision Course

In my last blog on China, I emphasized the courtesy and kindness of the Chinese people. This applies to every aspect -- except when it comes to driving.

What I observed was like something one cannot imagine unless one sees it him or herself. You have cars, motorcycles, and bicycles -- oh my! -- going in all directions, including cars on the sidewalk. Our adoption group thought it would be safe to stroll our babies on the sidewalk -- until an SUV decided to drive behind our non-motorized vehicles.

We got the message and moved out of its way. I say "it" because it's hard to believe that a human being would come so close to hitting people with strollers, and in such a cavalier way.

It is sort of like walking in a world where a bunch of Chitty Chitty Bang Bangs have run amock.

Within our first day at Nanchang, we witnessed a motorcycle and car collide. Looked like no one was hurt, but it was very unnerving, especially since the drivers seemed to treat that near-death experience as just something that one experiences calmly in the normal course of life. At least I thought so, as I thought I saw a truck coming head-on toward our bus on a highway. But perhaps it was a mirage, as it felt hotter than the desert during our stay.

Ironically, it was the few gazillion pedestrians who stunned me; it seemed their life mission was to get killed under a four- to 16-wheeler. I saw it with my own eyes: pedestrians walking or bikers biking right in front of a bus in motion. At first I would wince, praying we wouldn't hit anyone (we didn't), but after awhile, I got a little used to it and just sweated a little more.

After observing the drive-o-rama madness in China, I really gained an appreciation for American drivers. Other than the occasional road rage incident (the Chinese seem too polite to have road rage), American drivers and pedestrians seem to care about what happens to their cars and whoever happens to be in or around them.

Beth L. Gainer is a professional writer and has published numerous academic and magazine articles, as well as an essay on her breast cancer experience in the anthology Voices of Breast Cancer by LaChance Publishing. She writes about medical advocacy at www.bethlgainer.blogspot.com, and her cat Hemi blogs at www.catterchatter.blogspot.com. Beth teaches writing and literature at Robert Morris University in the Chicago area. She can be contacted at bethlgainer@gmail.com and gainercallingtheshots@gmail.com. She also blogs on the adventures of her cats, Hemi and Cosette, at http://www.catterchatter.blogspot.com./.

The Wonderful Chinese People

I am back from a whirlwind experience in China, which involved adopting my baby, plus doing some sightseeing. I wanted to blog from China, but being a single parent, my hands were literally full -- either with baby, diapers, food, or all of the above.

What impressed me the most about China, besides its beauty and the heart-breaking poverty, was its people. Of all the people I've met, I can honestly say that China has the friendliest, warmest, kindest people. Kinda makes one think, considering the country gets a lot of bad press in the US media for all the communistic ways and lead-in-toys fiasco.

Chinese people would approach me on the street and coo over my baby. They were so helpful, it was mind-boggling to me. No matter where I was strolling my baby, if there was even one step to hurdle through, there was always a Chinese person -- male and female -- to help me by carrying the stroller with the baby in it! They didn't want me to strain themselves and were always my guardian angels.

For the first four days of my adoption journey, Ari was nearly inconsolable -- very understandable for someone who was carted from caregivers she was attached to and carted into a stranger's arms and whisked away into a foreign-looking hotel room.

Ari cried and wailed a lot, often in grief. I coped with it well, so by the end of the trip, she was very attached to me.

During the hard times, though, while Americans were rolling their eyes at Ari and me, laughing at us, or just making rude comments about my "brat," the Chinese waiters and waitresses were picking her up and trying their best to console her. I could tell that they had a fondness for her and managed to calm her.

I can give many examples of the kindness of the Chinese people, but all I have to say is this: They offered me help all the time (including putting me on a direct flight to Chicago because I was a single mother and they didn't want me to struggle any more than I had to), they didn't poke fun of me and my child the way Americans did, and they treated all others with respect and kindness, even though I witnessed piggish, hostile American behavior. I was embarrassed at how rude some Americans were to the Chinese.

When I finally arrived at O'Hare's baggage claim, the American workers were rude and couldn't care less whether I ever got my bags. The two people who offered to help find my luggage and take it wherever I wanted were -- yes it's true -- from China. While Americans who clearly saw that I was one woman alone with a baby refused to help in any way because they opted for selfishness, the Chinese women who offered help were courteous and very kind.

I finally told the first one who offered me help that I was tired of American arrogance and how much I already missed the friendliness of the Chinese people, and she said that in China, the people really try to treat the country's guests with great respect and welcoming arms.

As a single mom with a child who was going through major grief, I am glad I had to do it in China, for without such human kindness, I would feel very alone and afraid. I did miss America a lot and was very homesick at times (the subject of a future blog), but I think Americans can take lessons on courtesy from the wonderful Chinese people.

Beth L. Gainer is a professional writer and has published numerous academic and magazine articles, as well as an essay on her breast cancer experience in the anthology Voices of Breast Cancer by LaChance Publishing. She writes about medical advocacy at www.bethlgainer.blogspot.com, and her cat Hemi blogs at www.catterchatter.blogspot.com. Beth teaches writing and literature at Robert Morris University in the Chicago area. She can be contacted at bethlgainer@gmail.com and gainercallingtheshots@gmail.com. She also blogs on the adventures of her cats, Hemi and Cosette, at http://www.catterchatter.blogspot.com./.

Blast-Off

Today is the day I leave for China.

I can't believe this moment, the one I've been waiting for for so long, is finally here. I am savoring this moment, this beautiful summer morning.

Destiny is finally joining Wen Pei and me.

I'm bringing my sketchbook, pencils, and a good book on the plane. But most important, I'm bringing myself.

Hang in there, Wen Pei. Mommy's coming to get you and bring you home.

Beth L. Gainer is a professional writer and has published numerous academic and magazine articles, as well as an essay on her breast cancer experience in the anthology Voices of Breast Cancer by LaChance Publishing. She writes about medical advocacy at www.bethlgainer.blogspot.com, and her cat Hemi blogs at www.catterchatter.blogspot.com. Beth teaches writing and literature at Robert Morris University in the Chicago area. She can be contacted at bethlgainer@gmail.com and gainercallingtheshots@gmail.com. She also blogs on the adventures of her cats, Hemi and Cosette, at http://www.catterchatter.blogspot.com./.

One Day to Launch

I can't believe that tomorrow at this time, I'll be at O'Hare Airport, getting psyched and ready for a flight I've been looking forward to for years. And I generally don't look forward to flights.

As I'm sure my fellow travel group members are doing, today I'm tying up loose ends, making sure everything is packed and doing a few errands. I'm proud of myself because I did pack early and did all the major things last week.

Now today is a day of peace. 

I feel a calm, drowsy, almost meditative feeling. I've been sleeping well and taking Airborne at night....just as a preventive measure. I've shed my nervousness because even though I don't like plane rides, there is one thing keeping me anchored to that sense of tranquility:

Meeting my daughter on Sunday.

Beth L. Gainer is a professional writer and has published numerous academic and magazine articles, as well as an essay on her breast cancer experience in the anthology Voices of Breast Cancer by LaChance Publishing. She writes about medical advocacy at www.bethlgainer.blogspot.com, and her cat Hemi blogs at www.catterchatter.blogspot.com. Beth teaches writing and literature at Robert Morris University in the Chicago area. She can be contacted at bethlgainer@gmail.com and gainercallingtheshots@gmail.com. She also blogs on the adventures of her cats, Hemi and Cosette, at http://www.catterchatter.blogspot.com./.