Day 5 and Counting

Well, today I woke up in shock. A week from today, I will be a mother.

It's really hard for me to conceive this, as I've been used to living the solitary life for awhile now.

I can't complain, really.

Rather than stew about the long wait to get her referral, I have lived a productive, fun life that I wouldn't trade for the world. Rather than dwelling on what I haven't yet accomplished, I have focused on what I have. During the wait, I became an oil painter and learned guitar and drums (I'm far from an expert). I've done a lot of writing and nurtured my inner artist.

And I think that part of my fear of parenting stemmed from a fear of somehow losing all of that once I became I mom. But the truth is, not only will I be immersed in what she loves and find a way into her world, she will also find a place in mine. I do not fear losing myself. In fact, right now, I'm figuring out which referral portrait to paint.

I do wonder, will she be musically/artistically inclined? Will she share my love of books, writing, and museums? Or will she be totally different?

She will be her own person, an individual. And the most important thing to me is not whether she is the most brilliant in her class, whether she is the most talented in an area, or whether she is gifted in music/the arts.

The most important thing to me is that she is healthy, shows kindness of heart, is an ethical citizen, and has a solid worth ethic.

And I plan to lead by example.

7 Days and Counting

Well, one week from now I will be China-bound -- on a plane from Chicago to Hong Kong and to Nanchang, in my daughter's native Jiangxi province.

And more and more I keep wishing I had paid attention to my 7th grade history teacher, Dr. Blau, who specialized in Chinese history and geography. I couldn't keep track of all the dynasties and thus found the class boring.

Well, Dr. Blau, I'm no longer bored by China.

In fact, since I got the referral, it's been in the forefront of my mind. I had been reading tomes on China, adoption, and adoption in China. I've earned the right to adopt my daughter, as I've been speaking mangled Mandarin for three years and worked to tears by my Nintendo Chinese Coach. There were certain words and expressions that, at the height of my frustration, I could not find on the system, as it is rated PG, after all.

Even though I've been waiting for this important moment for four years, I can't believe it's so soon.

Too soon, I think, as I frantically try to find all things baby without overpacking. A Walmart is available there, so I only need a minimal number of items.

Still, what to choose?

As someone who does not have kids, I'm confused by the vast array of baby items. Do I get the Pampers Super Duper Delux diapers? The Huggies Quadruple-Layer Super X size? Or the Luv's Super-Pinch-A-Loaf-Catcher model? Like Pin the Tail on the Donkey, I grimace and just close my eyes and choose.

And lately I've had a barrage of contradictory advice from well-meaning mothers about diaper rash, teething, what to feed the baby, etc., etc. They have no clue that after their lectures on baby puke, I am even more clueless.

Oh, and to make matters even worse, I don't like travel, which is why the most exotic flight I have ever taken has been to Toronto.

This trip will have proven that I've come a long way -- just for my baby.