Pardon my month-plus hiatus from blogging on life-changing issues such as motherhood.
I've been too busy being a mother.
This picture was taken a few weeks ago, as Ari and I were heading out to the park. What strikes me about the pose -- besides the fact that she's the photogenic one -- is that we look like we belong together.
Times have changed since our rough get-to-know-you-in-China days, and there we are: happy, both wearing our hoodies, mom and daughter, thick as thiefs. And I'm smiling even though I'm holding her on my bad shoulder, the carnival-incident shoulder that still hurts to this day.
At the beginning of our adoption journey together, I hurt in another way: because I had missed the first 12 months of her life and missed her first birthday.
But now I see the birthday cake as half full.
Because I realize that, as her mom, I still get to see many, many "firsts." I got to see her becoming a US citizen, navigating on her rocking horse for the first time, consuming her first American foods. I got to experience her first visit to McDonalds (I'm not entirely proud of this, but there you have it; after all, McDonalds is the fast-track to becoming assimilated as an American).
I also got to see her get her first pair of shoes and felt good knowing that, thus far in her opinion, nobody can fill mine.
And now some milestones are really happening. She can now stand on her own for a couple of minutes, and just a couple of days ago she took five -- yes five! -- steps forward without any help from me. It's bittersweet because I want her to grow and develop, but it seems she is attaining all these skills at a lightning pace, and the selfish part of me still wants the little, more dependent baby.
She babbles constantly, and she's starting to talk. She says "mama" regularly, and she also has in her repertoire the following words: Ow, Ouch, and Uh-Oh. Words to live by in our home, as mama regularly hurts herself with her clutsy ways.
She learned "Ouch" from me at the carnival. Every time she says the word (her pronunciation is drawn out: Owwwwwch), my shoulder hurts all the more.
Beth L. Gainer is a professional writer and has published numerous academic and magazine articles, as well as an essay on her breast cancer experience in the anthology Voices of Breast Cancer by LaChance Publishing. She writes about medical advocacy at www.bethlgainer.blogspot.com, and her cat Hemi blogs at www.catterchatter.blogspot.com. Beth teaches writing and literature at Robert Morris University in the Chicago area. She can be contacted at bethlgainer@gmail.com and gainercallingtheshots@gmail.com. She also blogs on the adventures of her cats, Hemi and Cosette, at http://www.catterchatter.blogspot.com./.
Posts
